Shut Up Fool Series

This series was inspired by all the crazy stuff I am starting to hear while I am preggers. It is almost like people lose their minds once they see someone who is pregnant. So I will be share a few things that people have said to me already. And as people continue to say crazy stuff (and I am sure they will) you will see it here. I will also scour the web for other things you should not say to pregnant women ...so stay tuned!!

1. "Sleep now because you won't get any when the baby gets here". Oh, thanks for the advice because I was planning on staying awake until after the baby arrived. I mean, what does this mean anyway? It is not like you can bank sleep. It's like saying, don't eat this month because an all-you-can-eat buffet is opening next month. And how do you know said woman is sleeping to begin with. Maybe between peeing every 10 mins and back pain or whatever other ailment, she is already not sleeping.

           Clever Retort

       "You better sleep now because when the baby comes..."

• Why?! Don't they sleep?! Next you'll tell me they poop and spit up too.
• ::in a low voice:: Actually, I don't sleep now. I just sneak into your bedroom and watch you sleep. I really like that comforter set you recently bought.
• Sleep is for ugly people..so when are you going to sleep?

 "Was this an accident?" WTH! Is it any of your business? Uh, no! Like if it was an accident and not carefully planned, it somehow negates the blessing of that which is a new life!

Chuck Norris does not play that!

          Clever retort

         "Was this an accident"

• Were you?
• As much of an accident as if I jumped up and gave you a roundhouse kick to your face!

"Am I pregnant with twins" Is this you being nice? Because I can be nice too. I hate your stupid face! Are you really so amazed by my pregnant belly that you have completely lost your mind? What would make you say this to someone? Is that supposed to make them feel good? It's much more a reflection of your insesitivity than the actual size of my mid-section. So if someone else asks me this question, I am just going to take my purse and hit them in the mouth!

     Clever retort

• Shhh, it's actually a litter of puppies but don't tell anyone yet.
• No, I actually have a condition called, "Ur-an-idiot". Google it. It's spelled just like it sounds.
• Did you say "twins" or violins"? Oh, I guess both sounded kinda stupid.